CHANGES

It's been AGES since I last wrote on this blog. I mean, really wrote. I used to post updates quite regularly. But I guess that was because I was glued to the computer for most of my waking hours and at least five times a week.

Things are different now, though. Very different.

I used to tell myself before that when I have my first child, if we could handle it financially, then I'd rather stay at home with him or her so I could be more hands on and our baby wouldn't grow up closer to the yaya compared to us. Well, at least I got that :) Though God knows that I would rather have a totally different situation. But then again, maybe it was His way of making me stay at home.

So now, I'm basically a full-time mommy (with the help of a yaya) and a part-time racketeer, doing freelance features writing and a couple other projects. Both to keep me busy and so we have supplemental income.

One of the things I really, really miss though is just being able to go out and be with my friends. I love my Matthew to bits; I really, really do :) But when you read all those books and sites, they'll tell you that you need time for yourself. Lest you want to slip into post-partum depression, which I thought I was going through several weeks back.

Having a baby changes absolutely everything.

You're now completely responsible for a life other than your own. Your patience is stretched to the absolute limit. If you think you're patient enough, try putting yourself in the shoes of someone who has to wake up several times during the night for feedings and then having a baby who's unable to go back to sleep. You'll seriously end up crying with the lack of sleep that you're getting as well. Add to that the other million things that you worry about constantly. In my case, a couple of things would have to be the finances (wait, who doesn't worry about that anyway?), which we have to be seriously managing because with Matthew's present condition, we always have to be ready; and the family not being together because Mark has to work abroad for now and we can't really be with him as much as we want to because Matthew's just not ready.

But what they say is true. Despite all the billion and one things that you worry about, day in and day out, one little smile from your baby washes all of those away, even for just a moment :) They don't care about money and other material things. Their lives are fairly simple. They eat, burp, pee/poop, sleep, and play. All they really need is someone who will love them unconditionally and who will take care of them.

And that is the most fulfilling job anyone will ever have :)

P.S.
If this post didn't make any sense or if my thoughts are jumpy, bear with me. It's my blog anyway :P